Sara's LJ biatch

Sara's LJ biatch

Sara

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WOW ITS BEEN MONTHS. hello everyone. im still alive don't worry [23 Oct 2006|06:08pm]

[ mood | content ]

[ music | "want to" -sugarland ]

SO
on the account that i havent updated in FOREVER I figured it was time.

So now I am in San Luis Obispo attending Cal Poly. I moved here about a month and a half ago and I am having a really good. I'm not a partier much but i still find ways to have lotsa fun :)

I joined the equestrian team after reading Laura's post on how she joined and everything and it really pushed me over the edge of realizing that I can't live without horses in my life at all times. So I did my evaluations and I am placed at showing Western 12B which is the highest class I can be seeing that I don't have national show points... im kind of scared to compete though since I have just done the Garrod Farms shows. I don't know the rules of the intercollegiate thing.. so I guess its just going to take a bit of getting used to.

So Tsuby and I are at the same school now... and despite it being rocky at times it has been amazing overall. I have the best basically 1.5 years of my life. Learning the ropes of how much time to spend together etc was a little tricky.. and I will admit.. we're together a lot. But i mean.. its mostly just chilling with his roommates at their appartment on campus. Its really fun and chill, and we do have good quality time together too :). Lets just say that being together at the same school is WAY better than a long distance relationship. FOR SURE. omg.

I also go to eat indian food basically EVERY monday at Taj Palace, the most amazing indian food in all of San Luis Obispo. There is a reasonable buffet that Tsuby and I and others go to. Me and Raja (the owner) are gunna be hella chill with eachother by the time the year is over hahaha.

I miss everyone at home like at Garrods and everything... its really different here and being "Sara" around everyone is hard at first. I am a social person but for me to open up completely takes a lot of time. I miss my best friends from home and I do miss being able to call people up and just being like HEY WANNA HANG OUT!?

But i did go home last weekend and I got to see some of my horsie gals which was awesome and I got to see Swasti... which was SO fun. omg. I miss that girl so much and I get to see Urvashe next weekend :) Swas and I had lots of good quality talking which was definitely much needed. It feels good to be able to have that home connection to talk to. I am not fully comfortable with everyone here... but i mean I'm getting closer.

Classes are going okay... :-\ im used to harker and being a perfectionist but suprisingly, there isnt really time for that in college like there was in highscool despite all the free time you have.

I think part of it is that I am living on my own at an appartment.. not somewhere super conveinent like the dorms or on campus apartments. So paying bills, grocery shopping and all the normal things you dont realize you do at home become time consuming when you're pretty much on your own.
I think I need to get a job.

I wish I could still work at garrods when I go home on the weekends, but i always have to leave on Sundays to go back to school so that sucks.

ALL YOU GARRODERS... IF YOU NEED SUBS IN THE MORNINGS ON SUNDAYS let me know!! haha..

i love my apartment.. its cute and stuff and I like having a place.. almost all to myself. I have a room mate but I knew her from Summer Session and she's chill.

BUT WHAT SUCKS IS THAT I AM THE LAST DAY ALMOST OF REGISTRATION FOR WINTER QUARTER CLASSES WHICH MEANS THAT I AM NOT GOING TO GET ANY CLASSES BASICALLY

oh, and midterms kinda sucked. that was annoying.. perhaps the next set will go over better?........hopefully.

1 comment|post comment

[18 Jun 2006|12:03pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

[ music | talking to tsuby. :) and kinda sniffling ish. :( ]

sooooo

i really haven't updated this in a really long time.

and I only do it when like kinda bigish stuff happens i GUESS... sooo yah

the big thing this time is that I am in college.... YES. college. I know its ONLY JUNE but I am doing a summer session at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo because that is my college and then im staying here for fall and all that good stuff. but im coming home after this 5 week session for like 2 months almost.

sooo yah. i just moved in yesterday. and that went pretty well. I managed not to forget anything.. except like a little remote for my ipod player thing. but that doesnt even matter. so whatever.

My room mate's name is Mary and there are like only 7 other girls on my floor. so its pretty small and stuff..

and OMG. i miss home like crazy. I feel so fucking stupid for feeling like this but its just like.. super hard. like.. im a realllly independent person and i dont mind doing things on my own and Im not like really attached to my family and stuff but like all the comforts of home are like.. completely gone. i miss all my friends soo much. i just dont feel comfortable yet and I hate it. even tho im a really social person, and I make friends easily and stuff... its still juts so uncomfy. cuz like, you are forced to live with someone who you dont know ANYHTING about. Like, with my friends at home and stuff, I have known them for a like a pretty effing long time. like seeing everyone at home almost everyday and stuff, that is like HELLA history you know? and then I don't know anything about any of these girls and its juts wayyy outside of my comfort zone

at home is different because you are familiar with the area and you know in your mind even if you dont think about it that you COULD hang out with your friends if you wanted to or you COULD go to a familiar mall or store or something. and its all at your fingertips and you have known that for SO long and now, you CANT go hang out with your friends, you CANT go to a familiar mall. NOTHING is familiar.

i cant go to MY room like and climb up on my bed even if i am like 8 inches from the ceiling and I cant go see Beauty when Im stressed and mad and stuff and just brush her and ride or go on a trial ride with juliana and sing fucking AVRIL LAVIGNE with her on the top of our lungs and scare people on the trails. and i cant go to oakridge and see a movie or go to los altos and see Tsuby. and he cant just come over and see me. and it fucking SUCKS. and I know that I will get over it and stuff.. its just a matter of time but for right now, I just wanna go home and get a hug and a kiss from tsuby and scare people in the hallway at harker with swasti and urvashe and everyone.

Like... last night, on out FIRST night here... we all went to a party.. which first of all, I dont really drink that much. I dont really like the feeling and I get really bad asian glow SOOO yes. ALC and sara dont get along that well. so like all the girls were like YAHHH party. and my room mate is here with her friend from h.s who is going here too. so they are like already best friends. literally. and its juts REALLY hard to go in on a group like that.
LIke i have a feeling like im not really going to get to know my room mate that well because shes going to be with her other friend the whole time and thats fine you know Caitlin is REALLY nice and stuff its just hard to bond with the person you are LIVING with when you can't get to know them that well..

ANYWAYS back to the party

so like im not into the party scence really unless its with people I for sure for sure know and like who are my friends.. otherwise its like... really akward. But so we went to this one guys house first all people I dont know but who my hall mates know... and like they were like seniors in college and like there was just a lot of shit im not used to in an unfamiliar setting ON TOP OF THAT so there was just like weed everywhere and like bongs and pipes and it smelled bad and all that GREAT stuff. and i was cool with that like w/e it was a chill setting and a small group of people but then it just got more uncomfy for me at that other guys house. Since I only really go to parties when I'm with Tsuby or other FRIENDS from home, it was werid to see people fighting and like fucking trashed and shit and like hella party scene. i had like 2.5 shots and was buzzed and like was feeling crappy anyways cuz i felt REALLY out of place and my room mates and shit were just like all familiar with the people and stuff and were like all over the guys and shit and i was like.. ahh this is wayyy too much for me right now. I just got really home sick and friend sick and most of all i got really Tsuby sick.

So I called him and once i heard like his voice i fucking started like HELLA crying. it was soo bad. it was juts like the only familiarity was like 200 miles away. and there is NOTHING i can do about it. and i know i know i know i know this is really emo sounding and shit but like i think the people who have been to college and shit and have had to do this understand. and if you haven't, trust me, you will.

so he calmed me down a bit and talked to me and omggg i love that boy so much its not even funny. and so i went back to the party (cuz i had stepped out and walked a little) and we didnt get back till like 3 20 and i went to bed at like 4 00. soo yah

that is my college ness for now. it sucks.

love you guys.
♥ sara

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yah so update [17 May 2006|08:25pm]

[ music | my phone ringing so i guess "hanging by a moment" ]

hmmm

I think this is gunna be a pretty long entry depending on if i get lazy or not or distracted while writing this.

soooo school is finally wound down. I am oficially on summer vacation, there are no more classes to attend, no more academic obligations, no more grades, bell schedules, harker lunches, no more highschool.

This last weekend was the Senior trip to San Diego where we stayed at the fucking hella nice Hotel Del Coranado. It was a really nice hotel, i think the best in california or something like that... but there wasnt really a whole lot to DO. like it was fun of course but for a senior trip, maybe some more activities would have been nice. But none-the-less, we had a pool party type thing on the first day and got to paint these little memory box things and thennnn monday we had a bondfire and tuesday morning we walked along the beach looking and collecting shells and stuff and it was a really relaxing trip, which is actually something i have never done before. So laying by the pool and on the beach was a good expirence for me. And I only got sunburned a little bit on the first day.. a bit on my face, but other than that, sun screeen proved to be a good invention that actually works.
So i guess my favorite part of the trip, and the most memorable would have to be the bondfire on monday night. I really regret not getting to know a lot of the people in my grade. But it really was clear to see that even if that was the case, our grade was tight and everyone really did love the people in our class and stuff.

I even cried at one point. Euny started crying during her speech to Jeff and Korena and they were sitting right next to me and swasti and Swas started crying on my shoulder and then i hella started too :( It was sooo sad. LIke, I realized that I'm not gunna have the comfort of everyone next year. I think i was Jaya or Amira who said in her speech that at harker, evetything is comfortable, and you always know where everyone is gunna be, and you can depend on that. But next year, its not going to be like that at all. Im not going to be able to go around the main hall with Swasti and stuff and like... SCARE PEOPLE and attack them by making weird faces or weird noises. Its just not going to be the same

I DONT WANT TO GROW UP

And it hella sucks becuase I'm starting college extra early.... like, I'm leaving in ONE MONTH FROM TODAY. I'm not gunna have my friends going through the same thing with me, and I am super scared and stuff.. Like... how do I know that I'm gunna be able to do it on my own and be able to succeed? ahhh it really freaks me out. I'm literally going to know NO ONE. I know a few people are going to the same college together and so they will have at least SOMEONE. Last year Tsuby had some people from Homestead, Urvashe is gunna have Roshni, Swasti is gunna have people from Harker at Davis and stuff.. but even if i need the familiarity (sp?) there is NO possible way to get it.

fuck.

Anyways, enough about my scaredness and nervousness.

Today we had our Senior Brunch thing which was nice and then we had a litte question answer session thing from last years seniors and yah. that was cool i guess.

tomorrow is the first day of Grad practice and awards assembly and senior essays and Baccalaureate. so tomorrow is going to be QUITE a long day. Friday is also grad practice and then after that, Saturday is the big Graduation!!

in other news, the sharks definitely lost to edmonton. And the saddest part is..... DREW RAMENDA IS LEAVING. omgomgomgomg. that made me soooooooo sad.

so this is me getting lazy and not wanting to type anymore and plus i dont know what else to say.

soo yes. that is all.

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[09 May 2006|05:41pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

[ music | Panic! At the Disco ]

omggg soooooooo

basically...
IM SOOO BOREDDDDD

like last week and this week have been completly pointless as far as school goes pretty much.
Tomorrow I have my AP Environmental Science test in the morning then I have to stay at school and take a math test that I didn't take this morning becuase I had to register for on campus housing for summer quarter and yahhhhh..

soo pretty much im not going to end up studying tonight because this AP is really hard and I know that even if I spent all of tonight studying, Im most likely not going to get a 3 or above for credit in college. And then I have this inner battle of ok, its like.. ONE night. what else are you going to do anywayssss. But there is just no possible way that I am going to be able to fit an entire year practially of all this information and all these different details into one night... for one test. I mean, I dont even know if Cal Poly accepts APES for credit and stuff. and gurrrr. this is just really annoying..

oh and I really dont give a rats ass about the math test either. becuase i have learned that no matter if i study my ASS of or if i dont open the book the night before the test, I STILL get in the 60% range, and then my teacher ends up boosting my overall grade to a B-. no matter what. i just have a set grade in that class all year of a B- <-- even if i try harder one quarter and slack off the other. its always a B-.

so yes. there is really nothing to do at school.

and Friday is my last official day anyways.. well.. for all the rest of the seniors too. cuz we're just that cool.

AND I HAVE PROM THIS FRIDAY . which is pretty freaking exciting.

my dress is simple. but elegant i guessss andd yah. there was like.. NOTHING this year. I was thoroughly disappointed. but thats ok.
and of course I'm going with the lovely tsubyyy WHICH REMINDS ME I HAVE TO GET A GUEST PASS SHITTT.

and a corsage and stuffff

ahhhh.

and then on mothers day I leave for san diego and then come back
and then the month of june is gunna be insane for me cuzzzz

on june 10th i have my gradparty at my uncles along with a million other grad parties before that and then
june 11th I have the Garrod Farms Invitational show that I'm showing in (western eq/pleasure) and then
june 12th i leave for Mexico
Come back the 16th (i miss tsubys b day :( boo!)
MOVE IN TO DORMS on the 17th/18th and then
FIRST DAY OF CLASSES ON THE 19TH. omg. this is gunna be crazyyyy

so yah ok well i guess this is enough pointless writing for now.

I GRADUATE IN LIKE 10 DAYSSSSSSSS. eeee (may 20th)

<3 may 22nd :) yayyyyyy <3

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[29 Apr 2006|04:29pm]

so basically....

I'm going to be a part of the

SAN LUIS OBISPO CLASS OF 2010.

yay...

so i got into CAL POLY for the Summer 2006 Quarter, and will continue as a student there for the Fall 2006 quarter and so on.

So im really excited. and i can totally see myself there. and its awesome. and yay.

So I think Im going to be doing the las 5 week session which starts on July 24th and goes until Septemper 2nd soooo I'm going to be gone early. BUT BUT BUT I'm most likely going to be coming back every weekend because Beauty is going to be here and my friends and everything and I might keep my job at garrods on Sundays... but I'm really not sure becuase I have NO idea what my schedule is going to be like for classes...
but all in all im really super excited and I hope everything works out there... on a lotta different levels...

and there is no ONE specific reason why I'm going there. besides the facts that I really like the area, school, major I got in for, and a whole buncha other reasons. It looks like i can take beauty there for the main school year and stuff so that will be good...

I am kinda nervous about having to leave so early thouugh and not have anyone tehre that I know to like help me along the way... But at least I will have friends for the regular school year that I will have made during summer quarter.

and yah, Tsuby is going to be going there too for fall and stuff (not summer obviously) and like I am really excited, Im just sick of people always telling me that the reason I'm going there is for him and like its not gunna work out and like we're gunna break up and then I'm going to hate the school and I'm going to want to leave and I'm gunna do horribly etc. My aunt was saying all this shit to me becuase she is alwyas like that... and im SO sick of people being against it. If they even KNEW anything about me, they would know that I wanted to go to SLO (san luis obispo) since the like... 6th grade! I first heard about it when I found out you could take a class and have/ raise/ train your own cow and could name it and stuff and then I was like HEY I WANNA GO THERE. and I wanted to be a vet and go tehre or Davis... too bad I forgot to apply to Davis (long story) and so if ANYONE dares to tell me that the only reason that I'm going to SLO is because my boyfriend goes there, they better be prepared to get bitched out. because im SO effing sick of it. Every Sunday I get shit from Mary, and yah, i take it... but it REALLY gets old.
Everytime i hear shit from my aunt, i get SO pissed. When people ask me... "where do you want to go", or "where are you considering" or lately, "where are you going?" and I say SLO, I can see that look.. and then the response.. "...Ohh doesnt tsubasa go there...........?" yah. and ladies and gentlemen... NOW SARA GOES THERE.

Its worked this long so far with out being together everyday... so obviously im not JUST going there for him. Yah, I'm not gunna lie, its a plus-- it happens to be conveinient but I KNOW it could work even if we werent together at the same college.. it has forrrr 7.5 months out of 11.....

and I know this rant part seems hella outta the ordinary... but i know that people think it... and it does make me like sad/ mad that people think that is the only reason I would go somewhere... Like Im not smart enough to take anything else into consideration. I'm not that narrow minded I can see multiple things at the same time. I am thinking about the next 4 years, I am thinking about my carrer I am thinking about my FUTURE. and this is the place where all of that fits together for me.

so im proud to be

part of SAN LUIS OBISPO.

:)

that is all.

3 comments|post comment

[04 Mar 2006|09:26pm]

[ mood | full ]

sooooo yah

i've been instructed to update my LJ by the lovely tsubasa since apparently the last entry I did was an angry one or something. I honestly didnt check it.. maybe i should do that to see what i wrote. brb.

AHHH YES YES i remember...

sooo yah. Everything got worked out between me and Tsuby. its SOO much better and yay for the english language and communication.

andddddd as for me being a second semester senior nowwwwwww... it still kinda really sucks. I guess the middle of the 4th quarter is when it all just doesnt matter becuase nothing is done in your classes...but for now... it still majorly sucks.

sooo yes.
colleges acceptances have started to come out for a lot of people but i still havent gotten a lot of mine. I've heard back from 3 schools, and gotten into those ones. Cal Poly Pomona, San Diego State UNiversity and UC Riverside.

SOO yah.

I went to San Luis Obispo like 2 weeks ago for my winter vacation and stayed down there for like 3 days 2 nights in a real live dorm which was pretty fucking smashing!! :)

it was pretty fun and I got to go to half of a college class. which was pretty much what i expected it to be... and i realllly like SLO and its my top choice and gurrrrr. I should stop visiting there becuase it makes me want to go there more and moreeee.

and i saw my cousin when i went down there. it was also fun. and yay.

hmmm what else
OHOHOH. i can fully drive myself places now. no more my mom has to drive with me thing which makes things A LOT better. omg. i can go to tsuby's house and not make him drive me everywhere and like i dont feel bad everytime he has to take me somewhere and i can visit him during his 2 hr breaks on saturday and its just working out grandly. sooo yesssss

Work is ok i guess... I think im gunna put in an application at BJs as a hostess or something becuase i am really sick of working at garrods. like i love it and all.. but seriously.. its time for a change. definitely. I love my sunday crew tho.. all the good times. and all the good food. and like just talking and messing around and like making scott feel uncomfotable by talking about sex and all this shit. AHHHH. AND attempting to learn japanese... heheh.. lets just say i suck(ed) anddd yah.

im prolly going down to san diego to check out the open house the first week of April and see how i like it....

and yah. my fingers are kinda tired from typing so much today and so i think im going to end this here.

SEE LOOK! A HAPPY POSITIVE ENTRY SO THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING AT THE NEGATIVE ONE TSUBY!! <3.

ok well have a fun life kids!

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[17 Jan 2006|10:01pm]

[ mood | frustrated ]

[ music | nothing.... maybe i should put some on ]

ok this is a really random entry. but like yah i ono. i kinda feel like just getting shit out and that is pretty much what LJ is for.. right? yes..

so basically... im a second semester senior and college is taking fucking forever to get here. ok well.. especially college acceptences.

but yah. im really sick of my house and people in it and my area and like i wanna go away. and there is NO way in fucking hell that I am going to santa clara. way to effing close to home. like omg i'd kill someone. so yah. its either pomona which i have already gotten in to or san luis obispo which i better fucking get in to. or i really am gunna kill like... the computer system that looks at the apps since humans dont

and i really hate that feeling where you feel like stuff isnt right. and its so fucking frustrating becuause you cant like put your finger on it its just a general aura/ attitude and you are like sick of everything and wanna get away but you dont at the same time becuase then you are scared because you are gunna lose everything. and then you arent really sure if you wanna stay becuase you want to and you need it or if you stay because of what you might lose. and you want both. and you cant have both. and gurrrr and i KNOW this makes no sense... and w/e this is totally an entry for me. i doubt anyone is gunna read through this whole thing anyways but yah what the fuck ever. and like when people act differently and like just do stuff and act a certain way and it just pisses you off the way it happens.. but you really cant say anything becuase you cant like label it under a certain action.
just like the response someone gives you compared to the answer they usually give you and like you cant say anything becuase it is just a response but it pisses you off anyways because you are like either expecting or wanting a different answer than the one you get.

or like you cant get mad or w/e with the person cuz of what they do, but it makes you feel a certain way and its really frustrating becuase you cant change the way you feel
and then you are in a bad mood. and dont know how to get out of the bad mood. and you feel so empty and it seems like you are gunna stay mad/ sad for forever. but you know you aren't becuase something always ends up happening so that you gradually get out of your "mood". but you are sitting there waitng for it to come becuase you wanna feel happy again.

and then you start to feel ok.. but you are still on that fucking line of going the other direction again to complete utter fucking unhappiness. and then somehting happens and you go there again, and you are waiting to feel happy again. and this time its worse becuase now you are thinking about 2 different things that are pissing you off and you dont want to be pissed off

and i also hate when you are mad or upset... and the other person that SHOULD be able to read that or realize that totally doesnt. and you feel like if you go out and say it everytime you are like annoyed by something or w/e then you eventually will become naggy and annoying. and i have issues balancing that out. becuase i dont say anything and by the time i do im super mad about it and its too late. im fucking pissed.

but its the thing where something pisses you off but you cant put your finger on it, but you still cant just let it go and be cool with it.

i hate life and emotions sometimes. they fucking suck.

and i really just want everything to work out. for a really long time. and there is nothing more i want than that.

but then i get these feelings like.. ah i ono. i just get stupid.

and its really a lot of just me being dumb. fuck i forgot what i was gunna say. but yah.. i just go through these phases where shit doesnt feel the same. and maybe it isnt just me. maybe it does get like that.

i just really dont like that feeling. where someone is totally distracted and shit and you just hate that feeling like where you should be talking but the other person is distracted and you are half "attached" but you just really dont want to be in a way becuase then its just frustrating as FUCK. but then again you want to stay but just have the other person have their attention on you. and you cant have that either. becuase that is unrealistic and selfish and stupid. so then you are torn. and you dont wanna bother the other person from what they are doing but then if you say you are gunna go, all of the sudden its like... nooo... dont go. and then its a viscious cycle. and it sucks ass.

and basically im confused and frustrated and need: a freaking punching bag, to be able to drive my car, a lot of fucking money, and the ability to explain everything i just TRIED to explain reallly clearly. that is what i need. and maybe a room that is sound proof where no one can see or hear me where i can get everything out. with out worrying about being judged...

other than that.. life is dandy...... pshh.

yah so my mom also quit her job type thing and is taking time off work... which means.. even LESS money, and my mom fucking around all the time. which is REALLY not working. and its only the 2nd day.

how can some one who was like... never home basically expect to just nestle in right at home sweet home and have me move right over and accept that. i need adjusting time. she cant try and fucking inflict everything on me. like she plans her life out second by second and that really doesnt work for me. i like being independent. and i just really dont see this working. THANK GD FOR THE END OF SUMMER.... which is still a shitload of time away

GOD IM SO LJSABGFKJDSABGFDSAKDGBKDSB AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMM. adsnfdsfsgdsgjdsngjdsngjfdngjngjewbg

fuck.

|k| |i|m| |d|o|n|e|

peace

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x mas.. sincei really havent posted in FOR EV ER [26 Dec 2005|08:04pm]

[ mood | sick ]

[ music | "i want it that way" BSB YEYUHHHH ]

sooo x mas time was good
( Read more... )

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[01 Dec 2005|09:54pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

[ music | none.. but it might be a good idea ]

i
hate
ted
tevis
with
a
passion

dude. wow. he is SO immature. i hate him. he is my stepdad for those of you who dont know

and if you wanna k here is a copy pasted convo explaining everything.
ximacowgurlx: ok so here
ximacowgurlx: ted picked me up from school today
ximacowgurlx: and
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : like i dont really eat dinner with my parents ne more
ximacowgurlx : cuz im not hungry by the time they eat cuz i get home from my moms work at 9 (cuz she stays there till then and i dont have a car)
ximacowgurlx : so today ted picked me up
ximacowgurlx : and i was like what are we having for dinner
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and he was like.. psh.. i dont know.. prolly left overs.. but its not like you eat with us anyways.. so why does it even matter?
ximacowgurlx : and i was like................ wtf but i didnt say ne thing
ximacowgurlx : but that was hella rude
ximacowgurlx : and then we get homw
ximacowgurlx : home*
ximacowgurlx : and he heats up a big pot thing of leftovers
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and hes like dinner is here of u want it.. but i wasnt hungry yet so i was like i dont want dinner right now. im gunna wait
ximacowgurlx : and he walks away and is like.. yah i should have known not to ask... i already knew the answer
ximacowgurlx : like in a hella dicked tone
ximacowgurlx : and i was like.. WOW. OMG THAT WAS SOOO RUDE but not like YELLING like the caps suggest. but that was my reaction
ximacowgurlx : and i said it
ximacowgurlx : and he was like.. see.. i should have known better.
ximacowgurlx : and walks out to the garage
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and then
ximacowgurlx : he leaves for a while to go somewhere.. idont know wher
ximacowgurlx : e
ximacowgurlx : and my mom gets home
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and she opens my room slowly and shes like.. in a short pissy mood-- im home.. just letting u know. bye
ximacowgurlx : and im like... wait mom come here
ximacowgurlx : adn shes all annoyed and says.. what sara...
ximacowgurlx : and im like am i staying home tomorrow to study for LIT? i just wanted to know for sure
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and she was like... well are you actually going to study?
ximacowgurlx : and im like.. ok.. you dont think i study?
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and shes like.. YOU KNOW WHAT... yes, sara..yes. you can stay home. OK?! and im like.. mom whats wrong.. why are you being like that
ximacowgurlx : and she was like.. its just your response. i didnt say u didnt study. but yes. you can stay home. bye. and walks out of my room
ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and that was only becauseeeee
ximacowgurlx : when ted left and went somewhere, he called her
ximacowgurlx : and told HIS biased side of the story.
ximacowgurlx : and she was pissed by the time she got home.

ok... like i wouldnt fucking have a problem telling her yah.. i said he was rude. i would have told her that 30 BUCKS SAYS he didnt say to her the shit he said to me.. in the same tone or exact wording. see the thing is.. i can remember converstaions verbatim. and i would say it HOW IT FUCKING WENT DOWN... but no. hes a dick and is a fucking little bitch..

I CANNOT WAIT FOR COLLEGE. seriously. this is HELL...

oh and a whole bunch of other shit is wrong too..
everything just feels so fucking wrong and different and out of place and i hate it. absolutely detest it. wow. i wanna curl up in a corner and never come out

and it sucks when other people and friends dont believe in you
or dont think that you can do something
and they are against you from the beginning
and then it makes you not do something you normally would love to do.
but it just sucks knowing they aren't on your side.

THE END.

and that, ladies and gentlemen is sara's angry-angry-angry-i-wanna-leave-san-jose-and-not-come-back-ever-entry.

good bye.

1 comment|post comment

[29 Nov 2005|05:50pm]

omg. i hate being bored at school but i didnt know that they unblocked live journal. COOL!

sooo umm rand told me to update so i guess i am.

wow i totally havent written in this thing in FOR EV ER.

so basically i have been really busy with college stuff and am getting to the end of it all.

I submitted my CSU apps and my UC apps

except omg i did the stupidest thing. I totally forgot to apply to UC davis. yah go sara. im STUPID. but i ono.. i guess there wasnt really anything on the mahjors list the really attracted to me to that school PLUS i dont want to go to a UC in particular.

but i dont know if i can get into my top choice college. im sooo scared. if i dont get in then what do i do!!??!! ahhhhh.

but yah im suprised i pulled off the UC apps becuase I didnt really even start the UC essays until like the day before thanksgiving. YAHHH. im hella dumb. but i wrote my best and longest UC essay on thanksgiving day between cooking foods and wrote it in 20 minutes. and it was almost totally done. CRAZY. like the only shit i had to change was like grammar stuff. it was pretty sick. but the other ones were lame and im probably not going to get it. GREAT.

ummm but enough about that i guess
this break i didnt do a whole lot. hung out with the coolest guy ever tho. and had a fun thanksgiving. family came over and i ate a lot of food. wayyyy too much food. umm OH and then we went to the san fransico auto show and i got to sit in MANUAL CARS AND SHIFT. of course the cars weren't ON but the feeling of the clutch is a feeling much missed.
and i have to leave school right now so i will finish this later

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OMG SO TRUE OLANFLJDSNFKJDXN [01 Nov 2005|08:40am]

[ mood | awwww ]

[ music | lifehouse ]

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

:)

seeee? yay.

2 comments|post comment

[23 Oct 2005|08:29pm]

[ mood | feel bad.... :( ]

can i please just say....

that i hate cars?
and i have great luck when it comes to horrible luck... if that makes sense.
so basically i've decided that i am a VERY unlucky person. (1 thing exempt)
thank you and goodbye

from karen..... [06 Oct 2005|11:03pm]

[ mood | happy ]

[ music | trying to update my effing ipod. gurr ]

You Are the Enthusiast

7

You are outgoing and playful - always seeing the happy side to life.

You're enthusiastic and excitable. You love anything new.

Multi-talented, you do many things well... and find success easy.

You prefer to keep things light with others. Opening up is hard for you.

What number are you?

wow. thats actually pretty darn accurate

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someone please shoot me now now now NOW [01 Oct 2005|11:34am]

[ mood | and overwhelmed ]

[ music | "what's my age again" blink 182 ]

crap. im soooo stressed. and i know that i am bringing a lot of it upon myself but like OMG there is so much to do right now and i just dont even know where to start.
im looking at this list of things to do and it doesnt look like a lot
but the time commitment needed for each thing and like knowing what i have to do on it so unappealing and like each day more shit keeps getting added to my plate of shit i already need to do and i think im gunna explode.

so today i have to do all of my work since i have actual work tomorrow. and fuck i have no idea what im gunna do. and i know that updating this thing really isnt helping but yah. and im sure there are people who are in worse predicaments than me but fuckkkkk.

French- finish reading Asterix (this french commic book) <-- not hard to do. i can do that in 10 mins.

Pre-calc- read section 2-1 and work on the mathematica project creating the cheat sheet and the drawing using mathematica!! oimg omgomg fuck i dont get the program <-- due the 14th of october. so i will do it later. but its really hard.

Madness In Literature- write the first draft of my essay comparing the mental "madness" between sylvia plath, Medea and the narrorator in "the yellow wall paper" and relate that to the way society view women at the time and what their place among men was <-- FUCK. i havent written and essay essay in forever. since last YEAR!! crap <-- due monday assigned thursday. final draft due wednesday. :( shit.

AP evvironmental science- shit. here is what makes me want to kill myself. or at least feel the most depressed. finish the formal lab write up of a lab that i dont even understand. i dont know what the FUCK the purpose of that thing was and what the hell to write for it since neither my self or a lot of people dont understand. it was due friday. im still in the process of working on it.
Also.. finish the study guide questions 6-10 but in order to do that i have to read those chapters. and thats not due till thursday cuz we have our test that day but that takes a lotta time to do.
Also.. do the assigned hw of the packet on Human Population which is spossed to take like 1.5 hrs. shit.
and study for the test that is on thursday

Ethics- read some stupid christian web site on Abortion and make a one page essay on the pros, cons, and my views.
also... read chapter 4 about aquinus.. (sp?) and study for the quiz on Monday. <-- ew. i hate that class.

ok so most of that shit is due monday and i have to do it TODAY. cuz i have work from 10-6 tomorrow.

and now for college/ SAT shit that i have to do.

ok first of all.. SATs are in 7 days. and i think im gunna cry. becuase im SO fucked for those. my vocab is HORRIBLE so like im so screwed for that section and its not like i can learn 34454854859353 words by saturday. but yes. i brought it upon my self. i fucked my self over. im aware
- i suck at math. enough said
- i had like ADD like no other so reading those passages is ass. especiall if they are about like science or something. <-- i know that is the point of them. they want to make you bored. they succeded. congrats ETS. i FUCKING hate you.

and i need to get my teacher eval/ recs to my teachers who are doing them. sutton and ms nguyen.

i need to fucking do my essay tooo

and the other apps

and ACTs.. yes acts. im taking it on 0ct. 22. and my rents are gunna be outta town so my grandpa has to take me or something.

OH. and im like failing math. a 69 and 65 on two tests. and like i dont even think i can count as low as what i got on my quiz

OH. and i miss my boyfriend. which is pretty much like the eqivalent as all of this shit i have to do. :(

so this is prolly one of the most pessimistic entries ever written so i will lighten it up by saying

my lesson with beauty on friday was really good.
that is all.

i hate my life right now. and i want it be 2nd semester and i want to get an acceptance letter from cal poly saying we love you come to our school and come now. fuck the rest of highschool....... <-- or something a bit like that.

k bye guys.

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[26 Sep 2005|01:58pm]

[ music | ethics class. gross ]

1. tsubasa
2. swasti
3. urvashe
4. devon
5. caroline
6. rohan
7. juliana
8. karen
9. rand
10. amrit
11. naeha
12. anmol
13. megan
14. liz
15. karen
16. mariam
17. kento
18. jen
19. mark
20. courtney

Who is #8 going out with? umm.. i think me... i hope.. haha. pretty sure...lemme check. yah he is. :)
Is #9 a boy or a girl? dude
Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? aww yah. DUH too bad swasti is taken but im sure anmol wouldnt mind...
How about #18 and #4? haha umm.. not too sure about that one
What grade is #17? freshman in college.
When was the last time you talked to #12? a few days ago
What is #6's favorite band? haha i ono he goes thru phases but i've heard him say he likes outlandish and coldplay a lot and a lotta other random pple
Does #1 have any siblings? yep 1 15 yr old sister
Would you ever date #3? if she wasnt one of my bestfriends and a girl and if i wasnt taken then FUCK YES.
Would you ever date #7? definitely
Is #16 single? ummm.... technically... but also not single.
What's #15's last name? horovitz
What's #5's middle name? rose
What's #10's fantasy? never eating lunch with us again.. cuz we scared him.
Would #14 and #19 ever date? hmmm for some reason.. i could actually see that
What school does #20 go to? some place in Oregon
Tell me a random fact about #11? shes a really good hip hop dancer
And #1: he plays soccer, is number 10, is japanese, loves cars, loves me, is awesome, is tall, has fast growing hair, is gunna be really successful is mine
And #3: hottie with a body
Have you ever had a crush on #16? hahaha i should. everyone else on earth does :) for a reason. :)
Where does #9 live? currently in room 325 sequoia dorm san luis obispo, ca
What's #4's favorite color? black prolly haha
Would you makeout with #14? eh.... not so much. srry liz im very much taken. and so are u.
Are #5 & #6 best friends? no. i dont think the know eachother exists
Does #7 like #20? yes. as friends
Does #8 like #19? they don`t really know each other
How did you meet #15? harker.. 8th period Meyers World History!
Does #10 have any pets? dunno
Is #12 older than you? yah
Give #13 a hug! awww ok
Is #17 the sexiest person alive? i refuse to answer the question hahaha. no. sorry kento. but jen is hahaha

(x)smoked a cigarette
( )smoked a cigar
( )smoked anything else
( )made out with a member of the same sex
( )crashed a friend's car
( )stolen a car

(x) been in love and still am. deal with it
( ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight. ish.

(x) snuck out of my parent's house not really.... kinda tho i wasnt spossed to be out
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date

(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die

( ) been to Canada..want to tho.
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar

( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert

( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x)taken painkillers
(x)love someone or miss someone right now
(x)laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x)made a snow angel

(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake

(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat

(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
(x) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident

(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight

(x) hate the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes. still am. hahahahahaha

(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying

(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers-..
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins. regularly

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose-
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain not sure... have we? i dont think so tho

(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe. no but i want to..
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
( ) Have Traveled more than 5 days with a car full of People
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( HAHAHA WTF) humped a monkey

(x) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in class
(x) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them. LUV only
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress
( ) fucked in a park.. hmmm.. no but... u never know
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something

( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
(x) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader. ish. yes.
(x) sat on a roof top

( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel. indeed.
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours- almost
(x) stayed up all night

( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone

(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x it was mismatch day) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(x) gone streaking
(x)played ding-dong-ditch

(x) played chicken fight
(x)been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused

( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name

(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair
(x) gone skinny dippin in a pool julainas
( ) been kicked out of your house

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woahhhhhhhh that is CRAZY accurate [23 Sep 2005|11:57am]

[ music | listening to mr sutton talk... APES class ]

sara took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!
"Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting n..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

that is insanely accurate. holy shit.

post comment

lmao [21 Sep 2005|10:54am]

[ mood | bored ]

[ music | mr heyes reading the bell jar...... ]

Words you will utter on your deathbed by weegee1969
Your name
Age
Your last words Just make sure I don't smell
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex
by UMAJohnnie
Name
Sexuality
Age
Most Likely to Say "My toes are curling, you should probably untie them."
Quiz created with MemeGen!

hahahahahahhahaha thats hella sick

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[12 Sep 2005|10:52pm]

[ mood | sad ]

[ music | none. ]

ok so this is day 3 of tsuby being in college. and it sucks

i dont know if like it just started sucking so much cuz im tired and drained as FUCK or what...

like yesterday I was fine but today i've just been hella like depressed and shit. adn i know i sound retarded but its just really hard feeling alone here and like watching people go off and have so much fun

but im really glad hes starting to like it a lot and get a lot more comfy. that makes me really happy.
now all i have to do is figure outa way to make me happy too and we will be all set.

but he and rand (from harker) are pretty good freinds now.. i mean as good as a day of knowing eachother goes.

but i hate the feeling when you cry just because you are so frustrated and alone and then you feel super pathetic afterwards. becuase you know you shouldnt be sitting there feeling sorry for your self. that has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.

i guess i am just scared of being left behind and he has reassured me over and over again but you really cant help but feel that way until you KNOW its not going to happen. and this is the longest i have ever gone with out seeing him besides japan .

but on the brighter side i am probably going to cal poly SLO on oct 8th or 9th or something and then looking at the classes and shit on monday the 10th since we dont have school. that will be good fun hopefully.

k yah and i better not get sick becuase everyone at school is getting sick with some weird thing. and i cant afford to get sick. fuckkkkkkkkk

k bye guys later

3 comments|post comment

oh man. today= really bad. [10 Sep 2005|05:33pm]

[ mood | emotionally drained ]

[ music | "your body is a wonderland"john mayer from the CD tsuby made ]

wow so i really haven't updated in FOR EV ER. but i guess all that is about to change right now.

so today, the love of my life left for college. yes tsuby left for Cal Poly San Luis Obispo and it killed me. Last night my mom let me stay out till 11 30 which is really good for me this year since the accident and all and so after school he and his friend kirk came and picked me up from school because his dad needed tsuby's car bcuz he came in from japan and needed one. so yah then kirk dropped us off at AMC 14 were we watched the excorcism of Emily Rose. It was pretty intense just cuz that she scares me but yah. and that was our last movie together before he left. during the movie that would like.. pop up in my mind and that made me so sad. it just sucks knowing that there is a timer set on when the person is going to be taken away from you and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing you can do about it. so after the movie i had to go up to garrods for my lesson which sucked ASS cuz i couldnt concentrate at all. and crystal worked extra long with me and i just kept wanting to give up and just leave so i could be with tsuby more... but no. it took for forever. so then he had his car back by that time and so after garrods we went back to his house where we packed all of his clothing and stuff that he needed and i folded shit. which was really fun despite fighting SO hard to not cry because for some reason, i really like folding other people's clothes. yes im weird like that i know. thank you. So after we did that his friend from pleasanton who was down for a few days came and picked us up and we went to this BMW meet. which for those of you who dont know is like where people from an online forum about BMWs (in this case the M3 forum) all meet at one place and being their really nice cars and shit. it was pretty cool to see all of those BMWS all lined up like that. and the colors and stuff.

i know this means nothing to anyone who doesnt know about cars or BMWs in that case but yes i will admit it, the alpine white M3 looks good with Imola red interior.

k sorry ANYWAYS. so Alex drove there since he has a BMW and so we went there for a bit and then the police kicked them out cuz there were too many cars for the number of cops they had so we all left and went to another location and then we left once everyone else decided to go get food in their BMWs. yahhhh

so then after that Alex dropped tsubasa and I back at his house and then we went to TAPEX (which is RIGHT next to swasti's house in saratoga) and then drove up skyline for the last time. and all the stuff that we did last night was hella symbolic of like when we first started hanging out and shit so that was all really cool. too bad it was SOOOO FOGGY up skyline so you could see absolutely NOTHING. there were points when we were driving up there that you couldnt see out the winshield. it was insane. so then we sat in the car there for a few mins waiting for people who also came up the hill and it was SOOO spooky. it was like the movie that is coming out.. the fog. like no joke. so when kento and jen got there we all headed down and then tsuby and I went to In-n-out and then after that we went back to my house and got there at like 11 35 or something and he stayed until about 12:20 AM. it was HORRIBLE having to say goodbye. i didn't think that you could ever get that close to someone in just a period of 4 months but obviously i am QUITE wrong. i guess we have juts been through more than a lot of other people would go through in like 2 years or even ever. but yah so that was really hard and we just layed down on the floor of my room on blankets and i just cried for like. ever. at least he was there to comfort me becuase i have found out that if you are really sad about something and are crying, it is better to have the person there with you. so yah we just layed there for like 30 minutes or so and listned to this CD that he made me. which is really awesome by the way.
and then he left my house for what i thoguht would be the last time for a few weeks and when i went back into my room i just like.. collapsed on my floor. i was SO emotioally drained at the point. and sorry if i sound really emo but i just really wanna get all this stuff out. it feels much better afterwards. and i put the CD he made me in my cd player up in my bed and cried my self to sleep and got about 20 mins of sleep until he texted me and was like i cant go to sleep and i was like yah i kniw what you mean and we talked on the phone from like 2 am to 3 40 ish or something till we decided that he should go to bed. even though we both knew that that really wasn't going to happen. so yah i got about 3 hrs of sleep last night and the weird thing is that i can't tell. i think i just feel drained anyways so i don't even notice.

so yah then at about 7 45 i woke up because i juts couldnt sleep anymore and i watched laguna beach. which made me feel temporarily better. i guess my mind was just occupied with something else. and at 9:49 AM tsuby called me and told me he was coming to see me really quick and could only stay for about 10 minutes since lives 25 mins away and told his mom he was going somewhere close by. so that actuall made me feel better.. seeing him again today. i was scared that it might make me feel worse but i was just so happy to see him. and then... he left. for real this time.

and i know that he is going to come back every few weeks or like once a month or something but that point is that i saw him pretty much EVERYDAY of summer and after school and shit and the fact that that is all going to go away sucks.

i hate being in my house. its like prison. i cant stand being with my parents because they drive me absolutely crazy. and now that he isn't here to keep me sane, i dont know what i am gunna do

i know that i have all of my friends but like there is something different about the connection that you have with your boyfriend. and the comfort of having him here is all taken away

and i know that i am not being enirely fair. at all. because he is being pushed off to college with thousands of people that he doesn't know and living in a totally unfamiliar place and he misses me too and I cant be there which is really frustrating becuase i so wanna be there for him too and it makes me really upset knowing I cant do my job as a gf as well as i want to. and i hate not having a car. cuz now i cant go down and see him as much as i want to.
but i know that he will be fine because he is always really good with that kind of stuff and is a really nice person so he will make a million new friends.

but i really hope that he remembers who is back here in the bay area.. nor cal for that matter.

crapppp. i want to go to college so bad right now. i want to be done with higschool, done with SATS done with apps, done with my house. at least that is how i feel for now.

and most of all i really want to go to cal poly too.
and no the reason is not because tsubasa is going there. im so sick of hearing that. i have wanted to go there since 6th grade. becuase you can have your own cow there and train it and name it and stuff and so that is why i wanted to go there at frist and then i know SO MANY people who go there now. about 7 people from garrods go there and so i have been talking to them a lot about the schoo, and there is a place 5 mins away up the road from cal poly that has a HUGE western barn that i could keep beauty at for a really good price too. and that is something that is really important to me... being able to take my pony. :).

speaking of animals.. i think me n tsuby are gunna get a pet like a fish or something which will be really cool. cuz it will be like... OURS. something that we can really share. OMFG that would be awesomeeeee

ok now im feeling better and happy thoughts are going through my mind
and i just talked to tsuby for like 30 mins WOO HOOO

on another note, i am SO fucking broke its not even funny. like OMG. i wanna go rob a bank or something haha except not really.
and i have to pay for my own car and everything so that sucks.
i hope tsuby wins the lottery because the deal with that is if he does then he has to buy me a car. and vice versa haha. too bad im not 18. but thats not the point.

and now im getting my appetite back a little bit which i guess would make sense because i have not put a single piece of food in my mouth since about 10 45 last night. fun shit
so hopefully devon and I will go out to dinner tonight because i know we were talking about it earlier. and that would kick ass.
and now i am gunna stop typing because my figers nad nerves in my hands are starting to get tingly. i dont think that is a really good sign. so yah.

good bye for now.
and this was a really long update and i really dont expect anyone to read this whole thing. if u did..you get a fucking CAKE. not even just a cookie. well maybe you get a pazookie (which in my opinion is BETTER than a cake.) yeah BJS!!

<3 sara <3.

P.S i miss tsubasa. :-\

2 comments|post comment

[20 Jul 2005|10:25pm]

so hmm.. what is new.. not too much i guess

i havent updated in a while cuz i havent had internet and nothing really worth updating has happened.
i guess life is getting better overall since july 4th but there are some steps back too.

like im getting some of my privaliges back like i can now use my phone and i have internet back (even tho i have been using it basically the whole time) and i can start hanging out wiht people a little bit next week and stuff.. so i guess thats good.

bad side.. tsubasa is in japan for two weeks and i really miss him. its SO weird going from seeing someone like everyday.. to not talking to them in 3.5 days. but i guess i have to get used to it... sigh.
so when i come back from my horse back riding expedition he will be back too and i get to hang out with him AND MY COOLEST GIRLFRIENDS WHO I HAVENT SEEN IN FUCKING FOREVER AND MISS LIKE CRAZY. its so weird going from seeing them everyday too and not seeing them at all..

and everyone is starting to go in their own directions and get involved in their own shit and different stuff. and its kinda sad in a way.. and kinda cool in others cuz people are generally happy.. or are doing shit that makes them happy.
but i really wanna hang out with all of them and catch up and spend quality time like how it was during the school year cuz i have seriously been outta touch with them for a few weeks now. and it feels so strange. i dont like it. but yes. if that made ANY sense.. bottom line is we all need to hang out. pronto..

oh and im getting really nervous about SAT shit and college app shit cuz i still havent done anything really or started essays and im really scared. and i need to reg for SATS and stuff. so yah. oh boy. its coming.

and this summer seriously is slipping by like sand through fingers. im not even kidding. OMG. we start school in a little over a month. and i HATE that. like a month and a week.
FUCK. imma senior. and i cant wait to be a freshman again.. in a way. i juts want all of this to be over and get into the school i want and have a happy life. and i wish it was all gunna be that easy.. but i know its not. :(

but yes.

does anyone know when the used book sale is? cuz i really need to get those things and stuff. and that is another way to see people before school starts too!

so in like a week and a half im going to red bluff (which is hella north like by oregon) for a 2 day horse back ride through a wile horse sanctuary and i getta see real live stallions in the wild and shit. its gunna be awesome. im really excited. and i getta go with juliana and we get a cabin and shit and omggg i cant wait. and then the DAY/NIGHT i get back.. IM FUCKING FREEE OMGGOMGOMGOMGOGMGGGG
wow. i seriosuly am SO sick of my house

and i am sick of ted being a dick and totally taking advantage that i am home all day so he thinks i can do all this bitch work. at least my mom is nice about it and she gives me a list daily and thats fine. she doesnt harp on my to start right away. juts as long as i do the shit she asks me by the time she gets home. ted comes home and hes like so WHAT CHORES DID U DO TODAY?! WHEN DID U DO THEM. thats not enough. gurrr he makes me so angry.

but yes
that is my life so far

and currently mark is getting me to play CS. (Couter Strike) im in the process of downloading. ahhh
im turning into a comp nerd or something. fanlksnflkd i dont like it
some one save me haha

<3 call me if u wanna <3 muahh

I MISS TSUBY NFSKJDSNFKJDN

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